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بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Driving home last weekend, there was a long silence towards the end the trip. As usual, with my insanely active mind, random thoughts began to flow through. Some were memories of actions by a recently deceased individual. In my mind these actions were very profound and, since this person was very close to me, evoked an outward emotional response (a grin). My wife asked me what was flowing through my head, I responded it was something completely unrelated to anything we had discussed. She wondered if I’d share, and I decided to. When I verbally recounted the thoughts, an uncontrolled reaction of my eyes watering and a tremble in my voice. It was very difficult for me to complete the last sentence without an obvious weakness heard in my tone.

Reflecting on that later, I noticed that the thought alone did not evoke any reaction beyond the smirk. It was the same information in both instances, once strictly in “my head”, and the latter a verbal out pour after thinking it over once more. Compound this with the fact that this was my second pass with the information made it a bit more awkward. It was sort of a ‘du’h’ moment, since this applies to the whole concept of “getting it out” when something is bottled up inside. However, this ‘something’ was not bottled up, it was a known… Still, actually saying the words hit hard. When observing someone else going through the same thing, I usually think to myself “they’re just getting it all out.” Contrasting that a self perception, I thought I had gotten it all “out” previously, but apparently that’s not the case.’

Almost seems silly sometimes…