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بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

There is this guy I know.  I’ll refer to him as”M”.

M had a rough childhood, dysfunctional family, parents who should not have been parents, bounced around in the foster care system, trouble with authority, etc..  Your “typical” case of someone in that type of situation.

Fast forward to university days.  M, being a member of multiple minorities, was afforded a full ride from various organizations: Federal Grants, State, etc..  Since M had trouble in his youth with authority and responsibility, his university years did not fare well.  Failed classes, became friends with people who had similar outlooks on life (bad outlook) and became involved with groups that assign blame to others for his/her trouble.  This became more and more ingrained into the mind of M as time progressed.

I became friends with M my junior year (2002-2003).  At that time, M was in pretty bad shape overall; unable to keep his grades up, unable to hold a steady job, and had constant problems with others (ex girlfriends, fake friends, police, etc.).  At that time, M was still on his campaign that reparations should be paid to decedents of slaves, Native Americans, etc (M having heritage in both areas).  That was his sense of belonging.  Over time, we became good friends, and we were roommates for one summer.

Fast forward to the present: M has now joined another minority.  Like almost every other minority, this one has history of being wronged, and M, just as before, has adopted the victim mentality with this group.  More so, he attacks people who belong to groups that historically have wronged his new found minority, and uses the catch all catch phrases to express his plight.

Why do I find this all that fascinating?

In all the time I have known M, he has constantly sought for belonging.  Whether it was with family (trying to be identified as the oldest sibling), to the plight of a struggling student, to being absorbed into a minority with suffering that he could identify with.  M could not operate without identifying with some group.  Now, there is nothing wrong with identifying with some group, but if one’s life involves nothing else, that person becomes consumed by the need for that identity.  On top of that, M feels the need to associate with all the wrongs of the past, and use it to justify the actions and mindset of the present.  He seems to have this need to identify with suffering and blame.

While wrongs of the past can not be denied, using them as the means to define the present and future is not helpful.  It can only create a cyclical environment, as following “the end justifies the means” can only harbor additional aggression in the long run.